Chapter-13
The one-eyed Bagman proceeded to tell his story of his uncle. Mr. Pickwick and the landlord of the Bush listened.
According to the one-eyed Bagman, his uncle was a jolly fellow who could drink most fellows under the table and not lose his poise and composure. A good friend of Tom Smart, the uncle collected debts for Tiggin and Welps, which often compelled him to go Edinburgh and Glasgow before returning to London.
One autumn, the uncle goes to Edinburgh where he intends to stay for a week visiting friends. And he does just that, spending his last night having supper at an old friend’s. Needless to say, the supper is a great success (all his friend’s ladies dote on the uncle), and when it concludes, the uncle proceeds, by foot, to Leith Walk, which was a mile from his friend’s house in Canongate.
While he walks, the uncle sings various songs the loudness of which awakes the locals who proceed to fall asleep again when the singing fades. When the uncle arrives at Leith Walk, he comes across an enclosure which is full of old worn out mail coaches. A coach aficionado, the uncle climbs a tree to get a better look. He sees that mail coaches are all in a decrepit state, but he can’t help thinking that at one time they were the conveyors of bulks of mail and passengers of all sorts. Thus musing, the uncle dozes only to be awakened by a church bell striking two.
What the uncle then beholds is nothing short of a miracle: All the mail coaches are as good as new, and the enclosure, which was previously deserted and desolate, is bustling with activity, as bulks of mail are being stowed and passengers are boarding coaches. Presently, someone taps the uncle on his shoulder and reminds him that he is expected to board his coach. When the mail guard repeats the statement, the uncle approaches the coach that he is to board only to be told to wait. There are passengers who will board before him.
The passengers, who are to board before the uncle, consist of a beautiful dark-eyed lady and two extravagantly dressed gentlemen carrying swords. Alas, from what the uncle gathers, the lady is in distress. Determined to help the lady, the uncle boards the coach only to be assaulted by one of the gentlemen. Skillfully, the uncle disarms the aggressor of his weapon, and makes it clear that he will share the coach with them at all costs. The gentlemen concede for now.
As the coach rolls to its destination, the uncle tries in vain to converse with the gentlemen. Neither does he succeed in attracting the lady’s attention. The uncle, thus, settles for observing the attractive features of the lady when the coach suddenly stops and the mail guard informs the uncle that he is to alight here. When the uncle refuses to alight, the two gentlemen alight, as does the lady. However, as the lady alights, she whispers “help”.
Subsequently, the uncle alights and joins the two gentlemen and the lady who enter a large house which is in a state of great disrepair. (The roof of the house is caved in among other things.) They all repair to a private room where one of the gentlemen raises his sword and threatens the uncle to leave or else. At the behest of the other gentleman, the gentleman with the raised sword assaults the uncle only to be repelled by the resourceful uncle who secures a rusty rapier lying by the chimney place. By and by, the uncle engages both gentlemen, acquitting himself well of his fencing skills though he never has had a fencing lesson in his life.
At the height of the conflict, the lady suddenly gets up, reveals her face which is the most beautiful face the uncle has ever beheld, disarms one of the gentlemen of his sword, secures the sword, and drives it through him, pinning him to the wall. Subsequently, the uncle manages to pin the gentleman that he is engaged with.
Presently, the lady informs the uncle that the gentleman she has killed is the Marquess of Filletville who had intended to marry her against her will and who has many friends who will not let his death go unavenged. Regardless, the uncle avows to be by the lady’s side no matter what. Indeed, he vows that he will love her always, and that he will never to give his heart to another woman.
Suddenly, there is the sound of approaching horses and carriages. It is without a doubt the friends of Marquess of Filletville coming for vengeance. The lady boards the mail coach and the uncle drives. He drives fast, then faster, and even faster, but the sound of the approaching horses and carriages grow louder. The lady exhorts the uncle to drive faster. Suddenly, the uncle awakes. He is cold and wet. He had fallen asleep on the tree, and it had all been a dream. Still, the dream is so strange, so fresh, and so powerful, that the uncle, having given his heart to the beautiful lady with the dark eyes of his dreams, remains a bachelor for life.
Having decided to act as Mr. Winkle’s ambassador and visit Mr. Winkle’s father with Ben Allen for the purpose of assuring the father that his son’s marriage to Ben Allen’s sister Arabella was not done despite appearances, Mr. Pickwick arrived at Bob Sawyer’s medical establishment in a coach that would only seat two when Bob Sawyer insisted on closing shop and accompanying Mr. Pickwick and Ben Allen. Indeed, on account of his bad credit which won’t allow him to buy medicine, Bob Sawyer persuaded Mr. Pickwick that he—Bob Sawyer—stood to gain more by closing shop than keeping it open. Thus with Mr. Pickwick and Ben Allen seated within the coach and Ben Allen joining Sam Weller in the driver’s seat, they headed off for Birmingham which was a good 106 miles from Bristol.
During the first leg of the trip, Bob Sawyer’s behaviour, which was nothing less than rowdy and dissolute, scandalized Mr. Pickwick. But by and by, having partaken of some liquor, Mr. Pickwick conceded that Bob Sawyer’s behaviour was more jocose and high-spirited than rowdy and dissolute. Presently, despite Mr. Pickwick’s objection (it was only 11 a.m. and they had travelled only 19 of the 106 miles which they must cover), the parts stopped for lunch at Bob Sawyer’s behest. They stop to dine one more time before they arrived in the industrial city of Birmingham. They secured lodgings at a local inn and discovered that Mr. Winkle, Senior’s residence was within walking distance.
Despite the lateness of the hour, the trio of Mr. Pickwick, Ben Allen, and Bob Sawyer retired to Mr. Winkle’s residence. There, they were greeted by the maid who took an immediate dislike to Bob Sawyer. By and by, the trio was led to a waiting room. They waited for Mr. Winkle, Senior who was in the middle of supper.
When Mr. Winkle, Senior arrived, Mr. Pickwick saw that Mr. Winkle, Senior, but for his bald head, was an older replica of his son. Anxious to deflect attention away from his rowdy and dissolute friends, Mr. Pickwick got down to business and handed Mr. Winkle, Senior the four-page letter written by his son. The father read the letter. To Mr. Pickwick’s astonishment, the contents of the letter, which addressed the how and why of Mr. Winkle’s marriage to Arabella, failed to move Mr. Winkle, Senior. When Mr. Pickwick objected to the father’s indifference, Mr. Winkle, Senior, who was by profession an operator of a commercial wharf, expressed a slight annoyance with his son but maintained his indifference, stating that he was a man of business and that he would by no means jump to hasty conclusions. Accompanied by his bumbling companions Ben Allen and Bob Sawyer, Mr. Pickwick angrily took his leave.
Because of rain, Mr. Pickwick and his friends found themselves detained at the Bush in Birmingham, when Mr. Pickwick decided to brave the weather. His friends agreed that travelling in the rain was preferable to being cooped up all day. However, it wasn’t long before Bob Sawyer and Sam Weller, who had been riding, as before, on the driver’s seat and were drenched, persuaded Mr. Pickwick to stop and rest at Saracen’s Head inn.
Subsequently, at Saracen’s Head, Mr. Pickwick and his friends, secured a room, got a fire going, and dried themselves when Sam Weller, upon delivering Mr. Pickwick’s letter to the landlord of the inn. He was to have it sent to Mr. Winkle in London by post mail, noticed a familiar face—the face of Mr. Pott, the editor of the Eatanswould Gazette and a member of the Eatanswill’s Blue political faction. However, when Sam greeted Mr. Pott, the latter cautioned the former to keep his name hush-hush as they were among members of the Buff political faction who won’t hesitate to mob and harass Mr. Pott should they get wind of his presence.
By and by, Mr. Pott greeted Mr. Pickwick and made the acquaintance of Bob Sawyer and Ben Allen. When Mr. Pickwick wondered about Mr. Pott’s reason for being in Birmingham, Mr. Pott produced the latest edition of the Eatanswould Gazette and read aloud a paragraph that condemned the Buff party for organizing a ball in Birmingham and that avowed the members of the Blue political faction would not stand idly by but would do all they could to sabotage the Buff gathering. Presently, Ben Allen and Bob Sawyer, who had fallen asleep during Mr. Pott’s reading of the paragraph, awoke to partedake of dinner with Mr. Pott and Mr. Pickwick.
Meanwhile, a short, haughty man with stiff black hair like a porcupine’s arrived at Saracen’s Head. His name was Slurk. When he asked the landlord if the name rang any bells, the landlords admitted that it did not. Consequently, Mr. Slurk lamented the uselessness of cultivating one’s political convictions in the minds of the masses. Presently, as it was too late to obtain a sitting room with a fire, Mr. Slurk settles before the kitchen fire with rum and water.
Meanwhile, when the fire went out in the sitting room that was presently occupied by Mr. Pickwick and his friends, Bob Sawyer proposed that they should retire to the kitchen. The proposal was adopted, and Mr. Pickwick and his friends went to the kitchen when Mr. Pott suddenly stopped in his tracks. As it turned out, Mr. Slurk, who was before the kitchen fire, was the editor of the Buff partedy supported newspaper. The Independent and Mr. Pott’s mortal enemy.
Nonetheless, Mr. Pott took his seat before the fire, read the enemy’s paper the Independent, and muttered invectives aimed at the contents of the Independent. Mr. Slurk did likewise with regard his enemy’s paper The Eatans Gazette. Meanwhile, Ben Allen and Bob Sawyer found all of this so amusing that when hostilities subsided, Bob Sawyer provoked the two adversaries to go at it again. But this time Mr. Pott and Mr. Slurk resorted to physical blows as Mr. Slurk used his bag, which contained a blunt object, and Mr. Pott used a fire-shovel. Alas, in trying to part them asunder, Mr. Pickwick found himself between them and the recipient of their physical blows before Sam managed to extricate him. By and by, Sam restrained Mr. Pott, while Ben Allen and Bob Sawyer, at Sam’s behest, restrained Mr. Slurk.
Though the two adversaries threatened each other with physical retribution came morning, they both concluded that their causes would be best served in words. Consequently, they retired to their respective rooms to write editorials which would portray the other in the worst of lights.
Upon arriving in London, Mr. Pickwick settled down at the George and Vulture. As for Ben Allen and Bob Sawyer, they were advised, for now, to keep their distance from Mr. and Mrs. Winkle until the newlyweds were mentally prepared to receive them. Thus, Ben Allen and Bob Sawyer took up lodgings at a “sequestered potshop” in a remote corner of the borough.
Presently, as he wanted to see Mary before he had to return and attend to his duties owing Mr. Pickwick, Sam Weller surprised his sweetheart at her place of employment. Mary, who was a little out of sorts what with her hair being in a mess, playfully admonished Sam before handing him a letter which had been in her safekeeping for four days.
The letter was from Sam’s father. It’s written so atrociously that even semi-literate Sam criticized its style and grammar. As for its contents, the letter alluded to Sam’s mother-in-law’s death. Apparently, she had been caught out in the rain and the cold while trying to attend to the deputy shepherd who was drunk. Subsequently, she had contracted a deadly illness from which she never recovered.
Sam took leave of Mary and obtained Mr. Pickwick’s permission to visit his father. When Sam arrived at the Marquis of Grinby, there was not a soul present but for his father and a buxom looking lady who was attending the bar. Presently, aroused from his torpor, Mr. Weller senior informed his son that before his mother-in-law died, she had apologized for neglecting her duties owed to Mr. Weller and foolishly getting involved in activities which she had no business getting involved in. It’s at this point that the buxom lady tried to console Mr. Weller, to Mr. Weller’s chagrin. Indeed, Mr. Weller did all he could to repel the buxom lady who eventually took the hint and left the premises.
Mr. Weller informed his son that since his mother-in-law had died, a number of widows had tried to get in Mr. Weller’s good graces with the intention of marrying into his—Mr. Weller’s—wealth, the buxom lady being the latest example. Consequently, Mr. Weller planned to sell the Marquwas of Grinby and work as a coachman full time and thereby avoid the conniving intrigues of widows. As for the proceeds of the sale of Marquwas of Grinby, they would go in Mr. Weller’s name until such time when it would be necessary for Sam to assume his father’s inheritance. Mr. Weller also informed Sam that his late mother-in-law had bequeathed all of her fortune to Sam. Sam was grateful.
Father and son were thus reflecting on life’s vicissitudes when there was a persistent knocking at the door. Surmising that it’s another scheming widow, Mr. Weller ignored it and persuaded Sam to ignore it as well. Presently, to Mr. Weller’s astonishment, Mr. Stiggins walked in and took a seat. Having made himself at home, Mr. Stiggins asked Sam if Mrs. Weller had bequeathed any money to the church she and Mr. Stiggins had attended. When Sam replied no, Mr. Stiggins asked if Mrs. Weller had left him—Mr. Stiggins—any money. When Sam said no, Mr. Stiggins unwisely got up and helped himself to a drink only to be mauled by Mr. Weller who proceeded to beat and kick Mr. Stiggins silly. Out in the street, Mr. Weller dunked Mr. Stiggins’ head in a horse’s water trough before beating and kicking him some more.
Eventually, Mr. Weller returned to the Marquwas and Grinby where he had a drink.
Mr. Pickwick consoled Arabella who was distressed when told of his unsuccessful meeting with Mr. Winkle, senior. Consequently, Mr. Pickwick met Mr. Perker to see what legal recourse he had in persuading Mr. Winkle, senior to approve of his son’s marriage to Arabella when Alfred Jingle and Job Trotter were admitted to Mr. Perker’s office.
They had come to settle legal matters concerning their release from Fleet Prison and their passage to Demerara (West Indies) where they would be given chances to start new life, thanks to Mr. Pickwick. Needless to say, they were both grateful to Mr. Pickwick, and promised to repay Mr. Pickwick for his troubles before taking their leave.
By and by, Mr. Pickwick spoke of Mr. Winkle, senior’s refusal to sanction his son’s marriage to Arabella. Mr. Perker advised Mr. Pickwick to give it a week, and failing that that their best bet was to made Arabella appeal to Mr. Winkle, senior face-to-face.
Presently, Mr. Perker’s assistant Mr. Lowten announced the arrival of Dodson and Fogg. Cursing them for being too early, Mr. Perker asked Mr. Pickwick if he would like to wait in an adjoining room so as to avoid confronting his mortal enemies, as it were. However, arguing that he had no cause for avoiding Dodson and Fogg, Mr. Pickwick chose to stay where he was.
Thus, when Dodson and Fogg entered the room, Mr. Pickwick regarded them with the utmost contempt and scorn that he could muster. Dodson and Fogg, however, acted as if they had done nothing wrong. Indeed, they settled their business with Mr. Perker, and before leaving, they gave Mr. Pickwick their best regards however disingenuous.
Enraged, Mr. Pickwick waylaid Dodson and Fogg and made it be known to whomever was within earshot that they—Dodson and Fogg—were nothing but “mean, rascal, pettifogging robbers”. Despite Mr. Perker’s best efforts to restrain Mr. Pickwick and had Dodson and Fogg ushered out, Mr. Pickwick repeated his invective several times over even as Dodson and Fogg were out of the office and descending the stairs.
Having had his say, Mr. Pickwick told Mr. Perker that he was now content. Mr. Perker applauded Mr. Pickwick’s intrepid boldness by laughing for a full 5 minutes before getting down to business of closing his account with Mr. Pickwick. But Mr. Pickwick informed Mr. Perker that he—Mr. Pickwick—would like to retain Mr. Perker’s services indefinitely. Thus the two negotiated a deal when there’s a heavy knocking at the door. Mr. Perker urged Mr. Lowten to answer the door.