Chapter-8
At Mr. Pickwick’s behest, Mr. Wardle’s mother told “The Story of The Goblins Who Stole a Sexton”.
The story revolves around Gabriel Grub, a surly, ill-humoured sexton who was wont to drink gin from an old wicker bottle that he keeps in his waistcoat pocket. It was Christmas Eve when Gabriel was on his way to the churchyard to dig a grave. On his way, to his chagrin, Gabriel sees Christmas cheer and domestic bliss everywhere he turns. Indeed, on account of a lone boy rehearsing a Christmas song while on his way to a party, the cheer emanates even from Coffin Lane, a gloomy party of town, which was a particular favourite of Gabriel’s. Loathe begrudging the boy his portion of Christmas cheer, Gabriel beats the boy with his lantern, causing the boy to sing to a different tune thereafter.
By and by, Gabriel arrived at the churchyard and began to dig a grave despite the difficulty posed by the soil which had hardened due to the cold. After an hour, satisfied with his work, Gabriel stops to drink from his old wicker bottle when he hears an alien voice. Gabriel dismissed it as an echo of his own voice when the alien voice registers again. It was then when Gabriel sees a goblin sitting atop a tombstone.
The goblin was not alone as there was a chorus of goblin voices interacting with the king goblin himself. By and by, the chorus of goblin voices materializes as goblins performing leap-frog. Suddenly, the king goblin leaps at Gabriel, grabs him, and pulls him down into a subterranean lair. There the goblins made Gabriel drank a cup of hot liquid fire, and then, following the lead of the king goblin, they took turn kicking Gabriel’s shoulder.
Presently, the king goblin directs Gabriel’s attention to the tableaus of the world above that Gabriel had always held in scorn: the life of everyday people, who despite their penury and sufferings, harbour and espouse nothing but good cheer and goodwill. Gabriel began to understand the error of his ways.
Gabriel awakes the next day only to find himself lying in the churchyard. There were no signs of the goblins. For a moment, Gabriel thought it was all a hallucination. But then the pain in his shoulder persuades him otherwise. He was a reformed man, but knowing that no one would believe him, Gabriel banishes himself from the town.
The townspeople were puzzled by Gabriel Grub’s disappearance. They explain it with the story that Gabriel had been abducted by goblins. To their disappointment, ten years after his disappearance, Gabriel returned to the town and told his story. The townspeople grudgingly accept Gabriel’s version.
Mr. Pickwick awoke and was told by Sam that the day was so cold that the water in the wash-hand basin had frozen. He was also told that there were two new guests at Manor Farm.
By and by, Mr. Pickwick met the two new guests. They were medical students, Mr. Benjamin Allen and his friend Mr. Bob Sawyer. Consequently, they weren’t in the least bit squeamish as they ate breakfast all the while speaking of dissecting human body part when Mr. Pickwick warned them of the approach of the ladies who were returning from an early morning walk, in the company of Messrs. Snodgrass, Winkle, and Tupman.
Mr. Benjamin Allen, as it ran out, was Arabella Allen’s brother. He had come to accompany her home. As Mr. Allen reminded Arabella of Bob Sawyer’s presence, Mr. Winkle, who was fond of Arabella, regarded Mr. Sawyer with hostility. However, on account of Mr. Wardle’s and Mr. Pickwick’s good cheer, Mr. Winkle got on well with both Mr. Allen and Mr. Sawyer.
After breakfast, at Mr. Wardle’s suggestion, the party attended a church service where Mr. Allen fell asleep and where Mr. Sawyer carved out his name on the seat of the pew. The party returned to Manor Farm for lunch. With lunch concluded, again at Mr. Wardle’s suggestion, and at the ladies’ insistence, the men decided to go outside to put on an exhibition of ice skating. When asked if he knew how to ice skate, Mr. Winkle lied and said he did. Still, Mr. Winkle tried to extricate himself from the lie by arguing that he didn’t make his ice skates with him only to be provided with a pair.
Subsequently, fat boy Joe and Sam Weller cleared the ice of snow, allowing Mr. Wardle, Mr. Allen, and Mr. Sawyer to prove themselves to be expert ice skaters as they performed evolutions on the ice, which they termed the “reel”. Meanwhile Mr. Winkle did all he could to detain Sam Weller who was helping Mr. Winkle put on his skates. Indeed, Mr. Winkle even bribed Sam so that Sam might not leave his side but to no avail. Mr. Pickwick summoned Sam, and Mr. Winkle found himself sliding and moving on the ice with no idea how to stop or change directions. Alas, Mr. Winkle crashed into Bob Sawyer. The fiasco prompted Mr. Pickwick to call Mr. Winkle a humbug.
Presently, exhorted by Mr. Wardle who had removed his skates to participate, Mr. Pickwick joined fat boy Joe and Sam Weller in a pastime called “knocking at the cobbler’s door” which basically consisted of sliding on the ice minus ice skates. It proved to be so much fun that Bob Sawyer, Mr. Snodgrass, and even Mr. Winkle joined in. The fun was at its height when suddenly there was the sound of a loud crack, compelling the ladies to scream and Mr. Tupman to shout. Alas, the ice had given way, and Mr. Pickwick had fallen in.
Luckily for all, the pond where the ice had given way was only five feet deep. Mr. Pickwick surfaced and after much effort, he was pulled out of the water. With Sam by his side, Mr. Pickwick was quickly conveyed inside where he was confined to his bed and fed a limitless supply of hot punch. The measures taken turned out to be just the thing. Mr. Pickwick awoke the next day feeling perfectly fine. Bob Sawyer remarked that there was nothing like hot punch to prevent illness.
The partedy broke up on the following day. But before it did, Bob Sawyer invited Mr. Pickwick to visit him, Mr. Allen, and some of their friends at his lodgings in London. Mr. Pickwick agreed to do so. Meanwhile, Mr. Winkle and Mr. Snodgrass respectively had a private word with Arabella Allen and Emily Wardle.
As the Pickwickians rode to London, Mr. Snodgrass and Mr. Winkle were mournfully silent.
About a fortnight had passed since the Pickwickians’ arrival in London when a Mr. Jackson checked into the house of Dodson & Fogg before intruding on the Pickwickians’ evening social at the George and Vulture. Though told to refer his business to Mr. Pickwick’s solicitor Mr. Perker, Mr. Jackson brazenly discharged his duties there and then, first acquainting himself with the Messrs. Snodgrass, Tupman, and Winkle and then issuing them each a subpoena, courtesy of Dodson & Fogg. The subpoena even extended to Sam Weller.
Outraged, the next day, accompanied by Sam, Mr. Pickwick made his way to his solicitor’s office. When Mr. Pickwick passed a sausage shop, Sam mentioned the sausage shop’s notoriety which notoriety Mr. Pickwick was ignorant of. Ergo Sam explained the sausage shop’s notoriety, which turned out to be something gruesome.
According to Sam, the husband, who owned the sausage shop, was quite proud of his sausage making machine, which he himself had invented. The wife, however, was disgusted with her husband’s preoccupation, compelling the husband to warn his wife that if she continued to chide and berate that he would vanish from her sight. Sure enough, true to his word, as his wife continued to chide and berate, the husband vanished. Remorseful, the wife publicized a notice, stating that if her husband returned, she would forgive him. He never returned, however, and she was compelled to run the shop herself. One day, a customer who was especially fond of sausages, came to the sausage shop to complain. There were buttons in the last batch of sausages he had purchased there. Alas, the wife realized the cause of her husband’s mysterious disappearance: He had put himself through the sausage grinder! Consequently, the customer who was inordinately fond of sausages was never again seen in the sausage shop.
Presently, Mr. Pickwick and Sam arrived at Mr. Perker’s office where they found Mr. Perker’s assistant Mr. Lowten denying a Mr. Watty, access to Mr. Perker, under the false pretext that Mr. Perker was away. Mr. Pickwick was welcomed, however, and was told that Mr. Watty was a bankrupt, which explained why he was being turned away. (There’s no money to be got from him.)
By and by, Mr. Pickwick had his private conference with Mr. Perker and learnt three things—
- that the outcome of Mr. Pickwick’s case vis-à-vis Mrs. Bardell could go either way;
- that a Sergeant Snubbin would represent Mr. Pickwick at trial; and
- That under no circumstance would Sergeant Snubbin agreed to see Mr. Pickwick one-on-one. Nonetheless, Mr. Pickwick prevailed upon Mr. Perker to grant him—Mr. Pickwick—his wish to make a one-on-one conference with Sergeant Snubbin.
Sergeant Snubbin turned out to be an ill-kempt, sallow faced man who had spent the greater part of his time confined to close quarters attending to the demands of his profession. Consequently, when Mr. Pickwick made an impassioned speech about his innocence in the affair and of his determination to accept Mr. Snubbin’s representation only under the condition that Mr. Snubbin himself shared Mr. Pickwick’s conviction of his innocence, Mr. Snubbin merely referred Mr. Pickwick’s concerns to Mr. Phunky, Mr. Snubbin’s trial lawyer assistant, who was relatively young and held Mr. Snubbin in reverence.
Though he had made all the necessary preparations for receiving his guests in his apartment, Bob Sawyer shared his unease about his landlady Mrs. Raddle with Ben Allen. Bob hadn’t yet paid his rent, and he’s worried that Mrs. Raddle would create a scene today of all days (when he would entertain guests). Sure enough, preceded by Betsy’s—the handmaiden’s—announcement, Mrs. Raddle confronted Bob Sawyer about his late rent. She made a point of raising her voice so that her husband Mr. Raddle might hear and do something about it. Mr. Raddle didn’t respond, however, compelling Mrs. Raddle to retire to her rooms though not before taking out her frustrations on umbrellas, which were stored in the back parlour.
Presently, the Pickwickians were let in by Betsy and pointed in the direction of Bob Sawyer’s rooms. As the Pickwickians exchanged greetings with Bob Sawyer and Ben Allen, Jack Hopkins, one of Bob Sawyer and Ben Allen’s medical student friends, arrived. Jack was full of stories about the fantastic incidents the medical student was privy to in his hospital rounds. Indeed, the most fantastic of those incidents involves a boy who was hospitalized because he had swallowed his sister’s bead necklace. Mr. Pickwick expressed his amazement when the rest of Bob’s guests arrived in succession.
The party started off with hot punch and a card game and then it transitioned into dinner. Though the meat courses proved to be unappetizing, the cheese, which was especially good, made up for the deficiency.
The party was progressing nicely as Betsy provided newly washed glasses when, to Bob Sawyer’s chagrin, Betsy announced that there was no hot water for the brandy and water. She explained that Mrs. Raddle had put out the kitchen fire before going to bed for the expressed purpose of denying the partedy hot water. Upset, Bob announced his intention of settling his affairs with the Raddles tomorrow and moving out at once. Consequently, the party’s mood deteriorated despite Mr. Pickwick’s assurances that cold water would do just as nicely for the brandy and water.
Presently, by dint of good cheer, the party’s mood improved, and Jack Hopkins capped off the good mood by belting out a rendition of “The King, God bless him”. Alas, the song stirred Mrs. Raddle out of bed and brought her face-to-face with Bob Sawyer and his friends. She was incensed by the noise the revellers were making at two in the morning. She demands that Bob dismissed his guests at once. Despite his friends’ protests, Bob Sawyer obliged his landlady.
As he accompanied the Pickwickians to London Bridge, Ben Allen, who was distressed on behalf of his friend Bob Sawyer, confided in Mr. Winkle, tearfully informing the Pickwickian that there wasn’t a man alive he would recommend as his sister’s beau than Bob Sawyer.
It was the morning of the 13th of February, the day before Mr. Pickwick’s case was to go to trial, when a saucy boy walked in to the George and Vulture and delivered a message for Sam. It’s a message from his father asking Sam to be at the Blue Boar, Leadenhall Market. Subsequently, Sam obtained Mr. Pickwick’s permission and headed for the Blue Boar, Leadenhall Market. En route, a representation of a Valentine’s heart in a stationer’s display window compelled Sam to go in and buy paper and pen. By and by, Sam arrived at the Blue Boar, and having ascertained that his father wasn’t there yet, he made himself comfortable at a table and began to compose a letter.
Sam was busy composing his letter when Mr. Weller entered the Blue Boar and greeted his son. Sam asked about his mother-in-law, and Mr. Weller replied that she was crosser than ever. Then Mr. Weller asked Sam about his letter and was shocked and disappointed to hear that it’s addressed to a woman. Sam assured his father that he was not getting married, as his father feared, and presently read the letter out loud.
Sam’s letter was a Valentine’s Day letter to Mary, and as he read it aloud, his father approved of its quality by and large, i.e. until Sam insisted on ending the letter with a poetic couplet. (Mr. Weller believed poetry was pretentious.) Nonetheless, Sam retained the couplet.
Presently, Mr. Weller offered to help Mr. Pickwick at his trial by employing some friends of his to serve as witnesses on behalf of Mr. Pickwick’s character and reputation. Then Mr. Weller spoke of that which was the principal reason for summoning his son. Afflicted with rheumatism, Mr. Weller’s wife, a delegate of the Dorking Branch of the United Grand Junction Ebenezer Temperance Association, was unable to attend the meeting of the Brick Lane Branch of the temperance association. As for Mr. Stiggins, the deputy shepherd and Mr. Weller’s wife’s fellow good-doer, he won’t attend the Brick Lane Branch meeting so long as Mr. Weller’s wife wasn’t there to make him attend (as he would rather spend his time drinking). Thus, Mr. Weller suggested that he and his son attended and thereby be witness to Mr. Stiggins’ undoing as some of Mr. Weller’s friends would make sure that Mr. Stiggins, who would undoubtedly be drunk, be in attendance.
Subsequently, Mr. Weller and Sam attended the Brick Lane Branch meeting of teetotallers, whose appetite for tea astounded Sam. By and by, Mr. Anthony Hum, the president of the Brick Lane Branch, delivered a speech, describing the achievements of former alcoholics who had reformed to live better life. He then engaged the assembly in a song at the conclusion of which he introduced Mr. Stiggins, who was, on account of his association with Mr. Weller’s wife, a delegate of the Dorking Branch. Mr. Stiggins entrance was delayed, but by and by he entered the meeting, and as Mr. Weller predicted, he was in a state of drunken stupor. Mr. Stiggins proceeded to accuse Brother Tadger, Mr. Hum’s assistant, of being drunk and beat him. Members of Brick Lane Branch came to Brother Tadger’s aid, and in the ensuing chaos, Mr. Weller decided to give Mr. Stiggins a much deserved beating only to be restrained by his son who managed to drag Mr. Weller out of the meeting and out of trouble.
