Gadadhar was now feeling disenchanted with the world and the life. Meditation of Maa kaali gave him some solace.
He began to wonder, ‘Can one see God? How reverently we pray to God but does He hear our voice? We worship Him, does He accept it?’
Gadadhar now remained sitting before the Kaali idol in meditational pose. He spent most of his time like that. He had stopped talking to others. During the afternoon the temple remained closed for a couple of hours. During this period Gadadhar would slip into a nearby forest named Panchvati where he would meditate at a lonely spot. He appeared to be trying to beam his mind into some divine power.
Hriday did not like the withdrawn attitude of his uncle. He knew the uncle’s adamant nature. He would do whatever his mind dictated without any rationalisation. Hriday could not intervene or try to argue with Gadadhar lest the latter should make it a prestige issue.
When the night fell silent Hriday would see his uncle slip off to some place away. It worried him. Gadadhar worshiped or meditated all day long and all of the night. He won’t eat regularly. How was he going to survive, Hriday wondered!
He had to find an answer.
At night no one ventured into the forest except Gadadhar. Hriday had heard that the forest was eerie in the darkness and it was haunted by ghosts. There was an Amla tree in the jungle near the temple. A circular space around its trunk was flat. Beyond that spot tall bushes had grown up which made anyone sitting under the tree invisible to outsiders. Gadadhar had chosen that spot to meditate at night.
It was a scary exercise.
One night when Gadadhar set out for the jungle Hriday stealthily followed him. The former sat under the tree to meditate. Hriday wanted to scare him off.
So, from behind the bushes he began to pelt stones or mud lumps. This went on for some time. It made no impression on Gadadhar.
Hriday returned home frustrated.
The next day he asked, “Mamaji, what do you do in the forest at night?”
“Nephew! I meditate under an Amla tree. The scriptures say that the meditation under the Amla tree grants any wish,” was Gadadhar’s reply.
Hriday had no comment to offer.
Since the death of Ramkumar, his brother Gadadhar had amplified his faith in Mother Kaali and he was in meditation of Kaali most of the time. He wanted to see Maa in reality. He could do anything towards that spiritual endeavour.
He worshiped Maa Kaali in the temple with due rites and procedure. It was his daily ritual. He would sing prayers to Kaali written by famous religious writers. It had become a part of his pooja ritual. His favourite was Ramaprasad who had written devotional couplets. It was said that Ramaprasad was so devoted to Kaali that she had appeared to him.
Gadadhar also wanted to see Kaali Maa in real.
He would often pray, “O goddess Maa, you have shown yourself to Ramaprasad. Give me the same benefit. It won’t ask for any treasures. I only want a little space in your heart. I have no worldly ambitions. I stay away from carnal pleasures. I only yearn for your blessings and a glimpse of you.”
While praying his eyes would shed copious tears. It made him feel good. Then, he sang couplets or bhajans. Thus his entire day was devoted to Maa Kaali, praying, meditating or singing couplets glorifying her.
The anxiety of Gadadhar was increasing day by day. He had increased the pooja time also. He would put a flower on his forehead and remain still in one posture for a couple of hours. He did it during the hours the deity was supposed to partake the food offering.
He would go to the garden early in the morning and pluck beautiful flowers for Kaali Maa garland. Preparing the garland and embellishing the Kaali idol was a time consuming job. Then, in singing prayers he would so get lost that he forgot about all other things. He had to be cued out of his trance which took some time for him to come to the normal state of the mind.
The people were amazed at his devotion and the crowds flocked to see him pray.
Some people thought that Gadadhar was a put on artist and they made fun of him. But gradually sarcasm died down. It had become clear that there was nothing artificial in Gadadhar’s faith in the deity.
Madhurnath was very impressed with the pooja and concentration of Gadadhar.
He said to the queen, “We have got an amazing priest. I have a feeling that his devotion would awaken Kaali Maa sooner or latter.”
