Strange telepathic sympathy vibes experienced by Narendra on his first meeting with Rama-krishsnadev made him wonder if he was the person for whom he had always been praying for to guide him? But for a long time he couldn’t go to Dakshineshwara to meet the saint due to the demand of his studies and exams on his time. He devoted all his time to studies and allied activities. He had grown into a 25 year old youngman by the time he appeared in the M.A. exams. It was followed by summer vacations.
Now he decided to go to Dakshineshwara to meet the saint who had stirred him emotionally on his very first encounter. Just then, the family declared that he was old enough to get married to carry the torch of family forward. He refused. He was marooned in the sea of spiritual and emotional confusions which made it impossible for him to clearly see his goal of life. He was too sensitive to let himself be trapped in the family life when social and the political scene around him was horrific. The society still was largely plagued by the social evils, blind faiths and rituals besides illiteracy-cum-poverty. A foreign culture, education, religion and political rule was crushing the country. So, it had become imperative for him to meet Ramakrishnadev to seek guidance. He must do it before the family could mount pressure.
So, Narendra set out for Dakshineshwara along with many of his friends.
When Narendra reached the abode of Ramakrishnadev he was overjoyed to see the youngman. He had not forgotten Narendra. The saint was holding a discourse when the party of Narendra had entered. After the discourse was over Ramakrishnadev got up and held Narendra’s hand. He took him to a corner and moaned, “Why didn’t you remember me for so many long years? I have been waiting for you all the time. How I wished to talk and have the company of a true disciple of truth like you! I am fed up with people who are not serious about what I say to them yet they keep hovering around me. Now I will find my peace as you are finally here.”
Ramakrishnadev had started crying like a child which shocked and baffled Narendra. Suddenly, he proclaimed in a choked voice between the sobs, “You are no ordinary soul, Narendra. I realised it the first day I set my eyes on you. I know that you are extra-ordinary, destined to be a great.”
Narendra found no suitable words to respond. What could he say to a saintly figure who acted like child of emotions? And the praise he was showering Narendra with sounded far fetched. Why was the saint getting so emotionally charged up? And there was this enigma of his finding himself incapable of saying anything to Ramakrishnadev. Without uttering a word Narendra returned with his friends.
Narendra tried to ponder over the words the saint had said to him. It was so mystifying. Was the saint given to such emotional outbursts? Narendra decided to visit Ramakrishnadev again to gauge his enigmatic character.
Narendra had heard that Ramakrishnadev was a devotee of Kaali and showed blind faith in the goddess. The saint was often seen dancing before the idol of the goddess Kaali entranced. It disturbed Narendra who had been attending the meetings of the reformist movements mainly those of ‘Brahma Samaj’. All the reformists were dead set against the practice of idol worship which they thought to be the root cause of the downfall of Hindu society. Narendra too subscribed to that theory.
But Ramakrishnadev, a man with childlike simplicity couldn’t be play acting or defrauding. He deserved a closer look, so Narendra thought.
Meanwhile, Narendra had been meeting the people of God, holymen and scholars. The famed poet, Rabindranath Tagore’s father
Mr. Devendranath was a man of religion, almost a saintly figure.
Narendra met him and after paying his obeisance put a straight forward question, “Sir, have you seen God?”
The old man hadn’t expected such a query. He had no straight forward answer. So, he didn’t reply and circumvented the issue by suggesting, “Youngman, you have a hypnotic gaze like yogis have. You must practise yoga everyday regularly. I am sure that you will become a great name.”
That day Narendra returned home thoroughly disenchanted. No one had the answers to his simple questions. All the books of philosophy and religion he had read had failed to clear his confusions. In sheer frustration he collected his books and threw them out of his room. He ignored the presence of his mother in the house. He lied down on his bed. When his mother called him for dinner he didn’t go saying that he was not hungry. He spent the night sprawled like a dead body.
Early in the morning he set out for Dakshineshwara to see the saint, Rama-krishanadev. When he arrived there, the saint was delivering a sermon to the morning congregation. He noticed the arrival of Narendra and his face lit up.
This time Narendra went straight to him and stood before him as a life size question mark.
Ramakrishnadev eyed him curiously and asked, “Narendra! Do you want to say something or ask any question? What?”
“Yes. I want to ask you a question.”
“Then ask.”
Narendra folded his hands and spoke, “Holy sir, tell me frankly, have you seen God?”
Ramakrishnadev smiled and said, “Youngman, yes, I have seen God as I see you clearly standing before me now.”
That was the first time when someone had replied to his question straight forward. There was no word play or ambiguity. The saint was making a confident claim. There was some murmur among the people present. Some looked at the saint somewhat in surprise.
Before Narendra could lead his initial question further Ramakrishnadev added, “Son, I can even introduce you to him. You will see for yourself. But there is a condition. You must come to me after severing your relationship with home, family, society and worldly trappings. It requires full and total commitment.”
Narendra was overjoyed to hear it. He felt that at last, he had found the spiritual guru he was looking for to lead him. But the condition put by the saint was not easy to meet. He was still a student who was yet to fulfil his responsibilities towards his family. But his mind was made up that Ramakrishnadev was the man he would seek guidance from as soon as he was free of all the wordily obligations.
Narendra again busied himself in his studies. He didn’t go to the saint again for the time being. Meanwhile he continued his association with the reformist movement ‘Brahma Samaj.’
On the other side, saint Ramakrishnadev waited for Narendra to show up. But he didn’t. He learnt about Narendra’s ‘Brahma Samaj’ connections. One evening, the saint himself came to Calcutta looking for Narendra which brought him to the meeting of Brahma Samaj. A Samaj scholar was speaking. The arrival of Ramakrishnadev triggered murmurs and whispers because the people recognised him. The scholar and the organisers of the meeting didn’t like Ramakrishnadev’s presence because it was proving a distraction. The speaker was explaining the virtues of one of the Hindu gods.
Ramakrishnadev listened to the speech enchanted. He got so emotionally surcharged that he began dancing chanting the name of the god and advanced towards the stage. He appeared to be in a sort of a trance and about to trip over. Narendra saw it. He rushed forward and took the saint in his arms lest he should hurt himself.
Some people converged on them. They highly respected Ramakrishnadev and wanted to pay respect to him. This created a commotion. The organisers frowned. No Brahma Samaji came forward to greet the saint who should have been treated like a guest. But or Samajis he was an intruder. One of them turned the lights off plunging the venue in darkness.
Before any untoward incident could take place Narendra and his friends smuggled Ramakrishnadev out through the back gate. The behaviour of Samajis so much irked Narendra that he snapped his ties with Samaj.
Now Narendra started going to Ramakrishnadev more often than not. He was becoming deeply devoted to the saint. But he was no blind follower. He openly criticized the saint for many of the acts of the saint like his childish behaviour, wailing like a woman when emotionally moved, begging in devotion from gods and his demeaning himself wormishly which was beyond his comprehension. Many of the disciples of the saint disapproved of the outspoken behaviour of Narendra. Narendra ignored their frowns. He stood by his outspoken righteousness and held his belief in self-respect, hard meditation and penance.
One day, at sunset time, Ramakrishnadev was sitting out in meditational pose. Narendra sat facing him. The saint’s eyes were boring into the eyes of Narendra who was feeling like being hypnotised. As the sun went down, the saint got up suddenly and put his right foot on the youngman’s shoulders. It sent Narendra through an astonishing experience. He felt his surroundings, things connected to him and all his relationships melting away leaving him alone in a vacuum.
His frightened mind echoed, “What…what are you doing to me, O saint? What! I had my family and parents….sisters…what’s happening to me?”
Then, the saint Ramakrishnadev removed his foot off his shoulder and placed his right hand on the youngman’s chest. Narendra found himself returning from the strange vacuum to the normal state of mind and the surroundings.
Now, Narendra realised that Ramakrishnadev was no ordinary human being. He was indeed a psychic or a miracle man. May be, some kind of a divine person of spiritual world. Narendra’s mindset also changed with that experience. He was no more egoistic or self conscious about his possessions and the attributes. The broom of humility had swept his mind clean. He felt at complete peace in the company of Saint Ramakrishnadev.
On the education front, Narendra had studied all the works of the leading philosophers of India and the foreign lands. To him, no philosophy looked complete in itself. Every philosophy had gaps and weak points. But each had something good to offer. A meaningful and purposeful thought could emerge only after putting together the good points of each thought or religion.
For his own benefit, Narendra created such hybrid philosophy by borrowing the process of reasoning from the West, the idea of common God from the Samaj, wisdom from Buddha, mercy and non-violence from Mahavira and simple emotionalism from his very own guru Ramakrishnadev. All these values topped and garnished with laws of nature and the lessons from the trees, hills, waterfalls, rivers, oceans, winds, sky, creatures plus heavenly bodies could result in a complete philosophy, Narendra reasoned. The truth had got to be the union of all those. To come up with a comprehensive idea he needed to think which was not possible in the parental home.
Dutt house most of the time hummed with distracting activities. There always were friends and clients of his father around who were in the habit of talking loudly and debating in legal jargon. Then his mother too was a popular person who attracted a lot of friends, admirers and fellow devotees. There often was some religious ceremony being performed or devotional singing sessions of women going on. Narendra for himself wanted a quiet and peaceful accommodation for his philosophising.
Hence, he hired a room in another street and furnished it with bare necessities namely a couch, tanpura, a cot and a book rack. That was all he needed.
But his father had different plans for him. He wanted his son to become a famous attorney of Calcutta, get married to a worthy girl and carry on the family tradition. The parents were just waiting for the nod of their son to set them off on a bride hunting drive. Mr. Vishwanath had taken a concrete step in that direction. He had put Narendra to work as the assistant with famous attorney, Mr. Nimaichand Babu to learn the primary lessons of the legal world. Narendra obeyed his father to make his parents go slow on the marriage front.
He lived in his hired room like an ascetic. He did a lot of philosophical thinking and meditation. No indulgence in any luxuries or merry making for him. Going to meet Ramakrishnadev at Dakshineshwara was now his daily ritual. The company of the saint was very spiritually inspiring experience for Narendra. Ramakrishnadev himself had become very fond of him. He had begun to visit Narendra at his room often to talk with him and hear him play tanpura. The singing and playing tanpura were his only indulgences. His music was so appreciated that friends and acquaintances often invited him to sing or play his instrument whenever they had some religious or festive occasions in their houses.
One night, he was playing his music at one of his friend’s house when the sad news arrived that his father, Mr. Vishwanath Dutt had passed away suddenly due to heart failure.
Narendra ran home. The family was in a state of shock. His mother and sisters were beyond any consolation. He himself was dazed. The grief stricken family didn’t eat for several days. Narendra’s grief was loaded by the fact that now he was the provider of the family. Narendra had always dreaded this situation.
His father had never saved money for the future. With him died the very source of the income of the family. In no time, the family fell on bad days. Narendra knew not what to do. He became a picture of misery.
He went out looking for some work. His friends and well wishers deserted him. The relatives would turn their faces to the other side whenever they sighted him. He had become a bad news. Harsh realities of the cruel world were staring in his face. No one came forward to help him. He was desperate.
In such situations, the believers choose the easy way to blame God. Same thing happened with Narendra. He could not understand why God was punishing him? He had done no wrong. Infact, from his very childhood he had been singing his praises and dancing for him.
Shifting blame on God gives the faithful a weird kind of consolation by absolving himself from the guilt go being responsible himself or his near and dear ones for the misery he is facing. Narendra began speaking out his mind. He aired his doubts about God being fair.
The people heard his new thoughts in shock. Many believed that Narendra had turned an atheist and passed on barbed remarks. In our society the people push further down a person who is down already. The people started ridiculing him and making fun of him. It angered Narendra and it multiplied his misery.
During this period, he didn’t go to Ramakrishnadev in protest because the saint looked an extension of God to him, the same God who was so heartless that he did nothing to help out a devotee like him. Those were his most frustrating days of life. He was getting nowhere but down.
One day, Narendra reviewed the entire situation. At last he realised that blaiming God won’t solve his problems. Infact, it could prove dangerously counterproductive. It was clear that he was missing some point or viewing the problem from a wrong angle in the negative frame of mind. He decided to seek the help of Ramakrishnadev to see the situation in a correct perspective.
Narendra went to Dakshineshwara to see the saint and bare his chest. Ramakrishnadev was delivering a speech to a group of his followers. He noticed the entry of Narendra and broke his speech. He was shocked. Narendra looked like a scarecrow, lean and gloomy figure. Their eyes met. In an instant reaction Narendra’s eyes worked up tears and he started sobbing uncontrollably. He was a pitiable sight.
Instinctively, Ramakrishnadev rose up and patted Narendra on the head comforting him. The saint spoke, “Son, I feel the grief you are suffering. You were not born to go through such pain and misery of life. In the material world humans create such sufferings for themselves by their own narrow minds and shallow thinking. Only the spiritual thought of India can redeem the mankind from the misery. Our message must go to the world before its too late. I know that you have the capacity of see the world through my eyes. Free the mankind of the miseries born out of narrow thinking and show the true path of the real progress through spiritual power. The mission is waiting for to be taken up by you. It is time you left the family to God’s care and accept the responsibility you are born to bear.”
Narendra was truly overwhelmed. He life was regaining its meaning in the saints words. But he was very confused. He admitted, “What should I do? I am too confused to think clearly.”
Ramakrishnadev embraced him. Narendra felt at ease. He spent the night there to clear his mind in the benevolent presence of the saint.
In the morning, he rose up with a clear mind and free of tension. He could deal with the situation now. In a miraculous way the saint had liberated him of his confusions and dilemmas. He was no more angry at God or sulking. He went home a changed person.
Meanwhile, another problem was waiting for him. Some greedy relatives had filed a case in the court of law disputing the claim of Dutts over their house. The same relatives who till yesterday lovingly cuddled and fondled him had suddenly changed colours. The meanness of the people anguished and shocked Narendra. The peace of mind that he had gained at Dakshineshwara was cruelly blown away.
He lied down in bed paralysed by the new developments. His mind was benumbed and the heart silently cried. Then, he heard the wails of a woman coming from the adjoining room. Narendra got up mechanically and went to the room.
His mother was screaming deliriously and his sisters were trying to calm her down. She was tearing her hair. It shocked Narendra. He stammered, “Oh ma! Ma, stop crying please. God will help us out. Have faith!”
“God!” Bhuwaneshwari Devi yelled in a shrill voice and added, “God, God, God!! I am sick of hearing it. From my childhood I have been chanting His name every day, every morning and every evening. Yet, how does He reward me? He makes me widow and condemns me to abject poverty, dishonour and misery. Why should I continue to have faith in Him? There is no justice.”
Narendra couldn’t think of any answer. He had himself gone through that stage. His mother’s outburst and grief pierced his heart. He went again to see Ramakrishnadev.
The saint heard the tale of his woes. The disciples of the saint, Ramakrishnadev used to call him ‘Paramhansa’, the divine swan. He was a great believer in the power and the divinity of goddess Kaali. So much faith had he in her that he thought she could solve any problem of a devotee if prayed in earnest.
He advised Narendra, “Go and ask for anything you wish from Kaali Ma. She will solve your problem.”
Narendra stared at Ramakrishnadev. He knew that the saint had blind faith in Kaali Ma. He himself had no such faith. For once he thought that he would become a laughing stock if he did that. But he decided to do it just for honouring the advice of the saint.
He went into the Kaali temple and stood before the idol of Kaali. He didn’t ask for any wish. He felt it very embarrassing to do it. If Kaali was really a divine goddess she should read his mind and know his wish, he reasoned.
After spending some time before Kaali idol mutely he returned to the saint and told him what had taken place.
Ramakrishnadev said, “I can see that. You are not born to beg for worldly spoils. These petty things are not in your nature. That’s why I tell you, Narendra, realise yourself. You are destined for a bigger mission of showing the spiritual path to the mankind which is being ravaged by pains, miseries and unhappiness. My son, awaken your atman and redeem the world.”
Narendra fell at the feet of Ramakrishnadev who for his disciples was ‘Ramakrishna Paramhansa’.
Narendra returned home having made up his mind to solve his domestic problems at his own level in a practical way. The very next day, a lawyer gave him a job of translation work in his office. He also decided to fight the legal battle regarding his property himself without hiring any lawyer.
Thus, Narendra now became a very busy youngman doing translation work, looking after the family as the man of the house and pursuing his property case in the court of law. After doing all the above chores he would go to his guru. Ramakrishna Paramhansa to spend as much time as he could spare as it was now known that the guru had not much time to live.
Ramakrishna Paramhansa was suffering from throat cancer. His body had been slowly dying. After meeting Narendra he had become a content man. In Narendra he had found his worthy heir. He was quite sure that Narendra would carry the torch of his thoughts further and would keep it alight for posterity.
Ramakrishna Paramhansa was a married man but the husband and the wife were living separately for several decades. His wife, Sharda Maa had herself become an ascetic and was living a life of purity and penance.
