If there be one single person who shoulders major responsibility of raising a child, it is mother. World owes, it to illustrious mothers for a galaxy of great achievers who made it a better place to live. Indeed, mother is paramount to a child’s life. If a child must shine like a star, mother must be an embodiment of patience and sacrifice like mother earth. Mothers of 21st century can’t help but wake up to this reality.
A bond of endless love
It is well known that stronger the foundation, greater the ability of building to withstand shocks. A mother, for any human, is the first foundation stone of its life’s edifice. And it matters, because rest of the bricks must confirm and align with this first one. Another axiom which reflects this idea is : ‘If you want to know about a mother, see her children.’ Mother and child share a lasting and unbreakable bond of unsullied love.
There is an old cliche that son may stray but mother never looses her way. The values which a mother puts in her new born decide the kind of person the child would become. There is no denying that mother’s contribution to a man’s personality is paramount. A child is totally ignorant of manners of life. It neither understands its lineage nor the prevailing norms of society. Probably this quantum of ignorance coupled with a keen desire to jump into adult world is what makes a child so inquisitive and restless.
A child’s first interface with his environment begins with his mother. Mother is child’s first and foremost preceptor. Moreover, the way mother eats, drinks, thinks, contemplates, behaves, and conducts herself—leaves a lasting impression on young ones. Mind of a minor is like a plain sheet of paper. On this, a mother can sketch whatsoever she feels is best for her child. Axiom, ‘As you sow, so you reap’, relates to a mother much more than to anyone else. Sowing implies mother’s guardianship. And reaping is in terms of child—the father of man.
A mother’s heart can be tender as flower and harsh as a thorny bush. She can mould her little ones into shapes of her liking. And not only the post-natal period. There are examples galore, mother Madalsa and Subhadra for instance, who tutored their children while still in womb. From womb to tomb, it is mother’s impression on child all the way. Indeed mother’s bosom is child’s primary seat of learning.
When wife of Sobir, Mradula, was attacked by intruders in the state of Sindh, she beckoned her son Sanjay thus : ‘Go and finish the enemy.’ But son hid himself in a corner of mansion. Mother called him and exhorted : ‘If you are my son, then go and fight the enemy.’ Son, petrified, said : ‘Mother, do you wish to see me dead?’ Mradula explained : ‘No mother would desire so. But then she wouldn’t wish either this that her son live the life of a coward.’
Similarly, the mother of Pandavas, Kunti gave this message to Lord Krishna—to be relayed to her five sons: ‘The time has come to redeem a mother’s act of giving birth to her children.”
In ancient Rome it was customary for mothers to felicitate their warrior sons readying for battle. They would anoint them and present them swords saying : ‘Either kill your enemies with this sword, or your own self.’ If Chhatrapati Shivaji was valour personified, and succeeded in launching Hindu Empire, it was thanks to his mother’s inspiration.
Famed poet and laureate Nida Fazli explains crux of child psychology so beautifully is these lines:
“Let the tiny tots reach out to skies.
And feel moons and stars in their humble way.
For after reading a few words of wisdom.
They will become moron like us.”
Take pride in being a woman
Female of the species gets one great gift from nature, i.e., ability to procreate a being as good, nay, even better—than herself. Men or the males of the species are distinctly a looser in being denied this divine and gracious experience. One who creates—is a class apart. Indeed none can surpass ‘mother’ in the realm of creativity. She delivers a child, nay, an Einstein, an Alexander, Gandhi, Ram and Lord Krishna. Nevertheless, the mere act of biological reproduction doesn’t qualify a woman for the title of ‘mother’. Motherhood is a sum total of mother like qualities. So to say, it is far more difficult to mother a child, than to give birth to a child. Motherhood is an Art, which all women should master. Shorn of motherhood a woman is no better than birds and animals who too give birth to their own kinds. It is only a woman flush with motherhood who can verily be called mother.
Child is no material property
Some mothers who believe their kids to be their private property are grossly mistaken. They must realise that the child is not their’s, but has used them as vehicle to arrive into this world. God made women to bring children into this world. Being are mere medium, how can you claim ownership of them? Love them you must, but it doesn’t become of you to boast : ‘They are mine.’ Though seemingly trifle, unfortunately this is more a rule than exception to view child as a personal property.
Children are not items
Upbringing of children is wrought with several misconceptions, foremost being that ‘they-belong-to-you.’ Indeed they use you as medium to open eyes into this world, you act as a pathway for them, but they are not your ‘belongings’. This concept of ‘ownership’ triggers a chain of several other misgivings. The moment you believe you own them, you reduce them to the status of material items as only material can be owned—not human beings. Nothing could be more deplorable than this considering that children being hapless and dependent—can’t fend for themselves and revolt. Per force, they yield to your fetish.
—Osho
Being overpossessive about a child amounts to snapping novelty of the little one. Such child feels imprisoned and immobilised. And the manner of its life turns to the negative direction. Ergo blame for this all falls on possessive mothers. Let’s not convert child into a commercial item. We may own a house, a motor car, fridge, TV…etc, but owning a child is untenable. We have no right—moral legal or ethical—to own or possess a living being. Ergo, women on family way must prepare themselves to welcome their new born as a free and independent entity—rather than as extension of their own personality. That alone is the way to holistic motherhood.
Interface between child and parents, too, is significant. Mothers better take care in dealing with children. To kid with children, or to behave with them as if they are fools, is absolute fallacy. We should interact with children as earnestly as we do with adults.
Khalil Gibran was fond of saying—‘Your children are not yours. They are the off-shoots of desire to live and to take birth as human form.’
Homes that are live with children’s chatter are indeed the blessed refuges. Just imagine plight of women who for some reasons can’t conceive and deliver a bundle of joy and you will realise how lucky you are to be a mother.
God, seemingly, chose women as host to his own spark that grows in her womb as prenatal child. Extremely tender and vulnerable that a child is, it hardly occurs to us that we must pay respect to it. Rather it seems simple and convenient to ruffle it. Since a child is weak and ignorant, it doesn’t react and fight back. This tempts us to believe in our imposing seniority and to ride rough shod over child’s emotions. Pt. Jawahar Lal Nehru very rightly said : “Children’s biggest treasure trove is love.”
Pay due respect to tiny tots
When we talk to little ones in the spirit of reverential love, our views reach straight to their hearts. Thus child experiences a freedom, a privacy unburdened by forced fiats, and a gay abandon which propels him/her on highway to success in life. Children must be given freedom to implore-explore and do-on-their-own. In such endeavours mother should back her baby so that it feels enable, capable, and strong. Yet mother shouldn’t dictate. She should only provide spark, support, and security to the young adventurer. Most of all, she shouldn’t interfere in child’s business.
Doubts on child liberty are integral to mother’s psyche. Few mothers would condone total freedom for their loved ones. Because such liberty, for good reasons, may encourage undesirable behaviour. Granted that their intention is to make a child discriminating and wise, yet we must remember that child is no puppet dancing to strings attached. Nobody wants to be remote controlled, and children are no exception to this rule. This indeed is paradoxical that even as no mother would ever want her son/daughter to be renegade, they are cherry of child liberty.
On the flip side, mother-child relationship begins in womb itself where mother’s sentience has enormous impact on the developing embryo. Mother’s acts of commission and omission influence the unborn child. In rage, abdominal muscles tense up and exert pressure on uterine walls. When mother is sad, the developing child too becomes sad and fearful. Thus the child faithfully mirrors her mother. Child is what mother is. Madhurima Singh conveys this message thus :
“Of my nascent childhood,
A friend of mine,
My mother.
A palm that caressed
My tiny limbs,
Was my mother’s.
Growing children who get ensnared in anger, hate and rat race of being one-up, are doomed for failure. Hence a mother’s task is formidable, and she must realise it in earnest. Mother-child bonding finds catchy expression in the words of a poem thus :
“Don’t weep O mother!
I shall grow up to be a moon
And then,
Shall peep into your courtyard
Which
You would clean daily
Waiting there for me.”
Remember
❑ Even animal species can make mothers of their females. In nature where there is dam—there is mother. But where is motherhood? Motherhood is different entity altogether. It is a package of love which only a woman can give.
❑ Mother and motherhood, are indeed an ode to womanhood. But they are surely no licence for prolific reproduction and growth of population. Rather, motherhood is love so subliminal that every child under the sun must partake of it.
❑ A flower doesn’t blossom for its own sake. Rather, it takes pride in spending all its resources in spreading fragrance around.
❑ I wept in alien land,
And mother’s heart cried out.
One sorrow communicated with another
without recourse
To written or spoken words.